Let’s Go!
Disclaimer: There are some tough topics discussed in this newsletter, like suicide and loss. Be forewarned before reading further. As we are still in mental health awareness month, please speak to someone if you are having thoughts or need help. We’re all in this together and as the song says, “We get by with a little help from our friends”. The story starts with hard topics but has a happy ending, I promise.
Recently, I wrote about the passing of my dad in November 2020 to stage 4 lung cancer after only three months from being diagnosed. Once I returned home to my family after his passing, the following several months were devastating. The holidays were tough but the hard times came as we rolled into the new year of 2021. The isolation from friends and family due to the continuing pandemic and the recent loss of my dad was beginning to compound on each other. Inside I was going deeper and deeper down a very dark path. As a sensitive, creative person, I’ve had my bouts with depression and the occasional suicidal thoughts. In early 2021 it was as bad if not worse than when I was a youth.
Photo credit: Pixabay
You see when I was about 16 or 17 years old and my parents were struggling and headed towards their inevitable divorce. With all the other usual teen struggles, challenges, and “larger-than-life problems”, I was in a similarly dark place, especially when you added in the sense that I felt like an outsider in my little town in the south of the US. I had a note, a plan, and even knew the song I would have blaring in my car when I drove off that cliff. Oddly enough, it was music that saved my life. That and a fun, little rebellious movie with a great soundtrack, called Pump Up the Volume, starring Christian Slater. For those not familiar with this little gem, the movie is about a pirate radio DJ who ends up becoming the catalyst for a mid-western high school’s revolution. Slater’s character, Mark, moves to the burbs in a new state and is alone after having to leave all of his friends in the big city. His parents get him a ham radio set so he can try to chat with his friends back east (This was pre-cell phones, kiddos). Their idea was, “Sorry we had to move kid, here’s a potential fix that you can maybe use to keep in touch with friends”. With all of the great, eclectic music Mark had access to in the big city, he decided to steal open stations on the air and hosts a pirate radio show, playing artists like the Beastie Boys, Soundgarden, Pixies, Henry Rollins & Bad Brains, Concrete Blonde, Cowboy Junkies, and Sonic Youth over the radio waves in the very conservative mid-western town. The kids in his high school begin making tapes (pre-Spotify yet again folks — ah, the good ole days of making real mixtapes from the radio) of his late-night antics on his show where he not only ignites their growing need to rebel with angst-fueled anthems, but he also does things like pretends to masturbate several times throughout the show and waxes poetic about how the system is all effed up and needs a serious overhaul.
Scene from Pump Up the Volume (Christian Slater)
What you come to find out throughout the film is that there’s so much corruption in the school that students are getting flagged and expelled over petty offenses so the school can keep them on the roster to get more funding and accolades for their excellence in teaching. The school has set such a high level for excellence that students are not only being pushed by their parents to succeed but they also get it at school — or else. Later in the film, there’s a poignant scene that speaks to the topic of suicide and the struggles of the youth (and adults too) after the students at Mark’s school have learned that a fellow student took his own life. Mark, aka ’Happy Harry Hard-on’ (also the initials of the high school ;) speaks to the plight of being an adolescent as he empathizes with the boy’s reasoning for ending his life. He then goes into a powerful monologue about how effed up suicide is when you step back and look at it. He talks about how it can have a romanticized view on the front end of it. People can think that others who didn’t see you will finally miss you and wonder why but when it’s all said and done — you crap your shorts, along with a myriad of other things that could make it seem ridiculous in hindsight. It’s such a wonderful piece of writing (and acting) that speaks to such a difficult subject and horrific path to choose as a human when it comes down to the reality of it and its aftermath. Each of us has been given this amazing gift of life that is so precious. Each one of us is a miracle that has been put here for a reason, and most of all, to live our unique adventure. One bold scene from a brave little movie reminded me of that. It was then that I decided I would say “feck it, so be it! I am who I am”. I began to lean into life rather than away from it and focused on my art, music, and plans for my future away from my troubled home.
Fast forward several years and I was back to those same thoughts and tendencies after losing my dad and the realization that I was the patriarch of the family now. Going back home to the place I had left so many years ago was extremely difficult, not to mention that my dad was sick and we weren’t sure yet how bad, and we were in the middle of a pandemic. There was a lot of trauma and baggage that needed to be dealt with and in many ways, it was, which I am grateful for. I realized from that experience how precious life is and what is most important in life. It seems counterintuitive to have dark thoughts after losing a parent and having those realizations about how delicate and precious life is, but we are human, and it’s been a tough few years for so many of us.
It took a lot of work but I began to build myself and my business back up from the ground up. There was a lot of inner work to be done with me as well as my loved ones, but one key element that I’ve learned is so important. The work cannot all be done on your own. There is work that I needed the help of coaches and counselors to support my goals, challenges, and problems. There is work that takes an outside perspective from someone that is committed to working alongside you as you strive to find your way in the world and to get busy livin’ (as I wrote in a recent post). One of the coaches that has helped me on my journey is David Martin, a health and fitness coach based out of Bangkok, Thailand.
David is an old friend that’s been transformed by the health and fitness work he’s committed himself to over the years. One of the things I’ve learned that is so helpful for me as an over-thinker and perfectionist is that I need to get out of my head and into my body. As I was working to get out of the dark places I felt creeping back up after my dad’s passing, I noticed the work David was doing remotely and his commitment to helping others in an area I knew I needed support so I reached out. We set up a call and started to talk about what he offers, how his program works, and how long it would last. It was then and there that we began our journey together. I’ve since lost over fifteen pounds and have seen amazing results in the change in my physique, and more importantly, my mental state. The food protocols we’ve established have helped me to change my relationship with food, to understand better how macronutrients (aka ‘macros’) work, and different ideologies of how to eat to fuel my body in an optimal as well as realistic way. The workout regimen has allowed me to exercise several days a week wherever I am that day. It’s also primarily bodyweight exercises which I love because there’s no need for an expensive gym membership or equipment. We have regular check-ins to keep me accountable and to support and encourage me along the way. All of this work we do together is done with a sense of purpose as well as a sense of ease. There is an understanding that sometimes “life lifes you”. Sometimes you have to travel and deal with airport food or fast food or dinner at a friend’s house that has different dietary restrictions. We discuss mindset and how to stay strong when life gets hard. We encourage each other on our journey as fellow humans. Often, we hype each other up to engage in life with passion, vigor, and persistence with phrases like, “Let’s Go!”
Photo credit: Bridget O’Toole
It’s this camaraderie and accountability and care that makes a coach an invaluable aspect of our lives as we walk our unique path. Having a coach to encourage you when you’re feeling low or give some tough love when you just don’t want to do it is imperative in a life that is already hard enough. Coaches are a sounding board. We are empathetic and active listeners. We are a support that fills the void that partners and friends cannot because we are committed to your growth in an objective as well as results-driven way. There is an exchange of currency because we are working with you to help you achieve the goals you want in life. You are electing to pay for the services of a coach because you are as committed to achieving those goals as we are to helping you to discover the way there. I am grateful to my coach, David, for all of the results I’ve realized as well as what is yet to come. The strength and wellness that this work has provided me, support my ability to serve others to the best of my ability. Thank you, David! I appreciate you, bruh! And for those of you out there that are ready to do the work, we are here for you. Let’s Go!
Feel free to email me if you’d like to chat about your current challenges and to see if we can find a way to help you with them.
