Living a life that is drawn and not traced
Reflections on the life of a creative misfit
In this week’s solo episode, I get vulnerable and share some reflections on living a life that’s been drawn and not traced. I open up about some memories, skeletons from my closet, as well as insights that have come up while doing the deep work as an artist, entrepreneur, and human. I speak to learning lessons that have come up from my youth, my college days, and my time as a champion for creative misfits. I also give a shout out to Dave Clayton for the amazing workshop he led recently at Creatives Ignite, a summer camp for creative entrepreneurs hosted by Diane Gibbs.
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TRANSCRIPT
Music.
[0:08] Welcome to artful, a community committed to championing artists and creative misfits from all walks of life.
This show gives you an insiders look into the rial, scrappy lives of artists creating with purpose, including interviews with beatboxers, graffiti writers, DJs, chefs, photographers, designers, illustrators, filmmakers, and music artists from around the globe.
as well as insights and inspiration from yours Truly.
I'm Gabriel if an award-winning artist, coach, entrepreneur and fellow misfit. All right, let's do this.
[0:39] Music.
[0:51] I keep reminding myself I am enough and that I'm working on it because every day I keep finding ways to feel like I'm not enough.
[1:06] I'm still searching for what is enough. I did.
My artful reminder for today was about what happiness is, and I felt like that's been the biggest struggle from you. My whole life is like what is happiness?
What is enough? And once I started to ask those questions was when I finally start, it was like I felt like I was on a 12 step program.
I literally was like, Okay, now I've asked, and that's why I talk about it a lot is because I feel like when you ask the question, you're creating the capacity and the space to answer it,
you know, but for you and the universe to answer it.
And I have been asking that about my creative endeavors.
I just had to make a Coleman on and interviewed her earlier this week and what I was saying to her, That's one of the things I love about her is,
that feels very akin to meet like my tribe, my people, those of us who just love art in so many ways and are not just like one thing.
You know, when you look at people and I've talked about them before, like Chase Jarvis or Christo and people like that who they were, pretty in their lane, they've expanded.
I mean, they're now educators and teachers and entrepreneurs and all these things, you know, but But they they're kind of in their lane.
As far as like a photographer designer, what not? And I've felt like I was.
[2:31] Lost because I didn't have that one passion that I was just new.
I had my best friend growing up. He knew he wanted to be a doctor.
He inevitably became a dentist, but he still went into medicine, went to medical school and became a dentist.
Gives practice in Connecticut and has a family, two kids, a dog, white picket fence the whole bit.
That was not me. And I thought I was cursed my whole life because I didn't have that.
I didn't have this. Like I'm this. I'm on Lee this I love this.
I want to make film or I want to be a designer. Are you know I want to design and create one illustrate. I want to be a drummer. I want to be a deejay. All these things like I didn't have the one thing that was like, I want to do this.
It's the same way with people. I love people I love.
I don't I'm not like a hippie.
I'm not a raver. I'm not a Onley. One thing I'm all of it. I'm a neo raver hippie.
Yeah, that's a thing. And I kept feeling like I'm I still do today, I still feel lost.
I still feel like I'm.
[3:43] Searching, but what I've done is embraced that.
And that's where that mantra around draw your life. Don't trace. It is just another reminder of like you don't have to follow what everybody else does.
Do what you wanted to follow your heart. That's what I've done is followed my heart and followed opportunities like I'd see an opportunity and like I want to get into design. I didn't do it in school.
Design and photography and video film video was in a really crazy transition.
When I was in school, I was going for analog to digital computer software and graphics were starting to really finally evolve and B that transition four point where we are now.
[4:29] But it was a tough time to be in school because, like, you know, it wasn't like it is now where it's so accessible where you can use your phone and you can post to YouTube.
I had to buy, you know, photo paper and film, and I had to ship my film like my actual 16-millimeter film off to have it developed and pushed and then get it back and cut it and everything.
You know, you didn't have this like instant gratification.
[4:59] And so it was like It's kind of a tough time. T like to experiment.
I'm It's a crutch like I'm using that as a crutch, cause it's all about just the doing of it, no matter what.
But I I didn't tried an experiment as much in college as I could have with, like, printmaking. I was always interested in printmaking and design, but I was like, That's another whole thing and I cant afford it could do all that stuff.
I'm a deejay and a photographer and film all of the same time.
I was so broke I sold a Zeiss lens to our local photoshop to pay for supplies that my grandfather gave me.
I was the one lens I sold because I had to, you know, just to have money for supplies, art supplies.
I look back on my God sub dude, cause I sold this Zeiss lens.
It was a great learning lesson, but I sold his lens right that like has posterity to it.
It has, like, this longer life use to get things that were shorter term use.
So when you look back at, it's like I could have gone and given more plasma.
[6:15] And kept that lens, you know? But it was like a good learning lesson, cause it it's something I can now look back and see what I learned from it.
You know, Dave Clayton just spoke in the summer camp, I think was like 3.5 hours total the workshop.
But it was like gold.
He was 44 when he started his career as a designer. Like Started Going Down. That path is now 54 he shared all that he's done in 10 years and is nuts.
[6:46] Nuts. He's done so much. It's crazy to see what he's done in 10 years.
And it was so inspiring to be like Look at that. And it's not like I'm now saying like OK, now I'm a designer. I've been a designer.
I just didn't keep going, you know, I didn't keep going with it. I I followed.
You know, my passions in my opportunity.
I wanted to get back into photography and film. And so I did. I was thinking back.
So when I was a kid, I was looking middle school in high school. I remember, you know, such a pivotal time.
My parents were headed towards divorce.
The only thing I was like suicidal at a point in that, and I was thinking about the only two things that kept me going were music and art. Like comics.
I was drawing a lot. I was doing logo's like I would do logos for bands like I'd be listening to cure, and I'd be like coming up with, like, a funky logo for the Cure Depeche Mode or you two or whoever I remember some of the work I did.
I was like I didn't realize I was like logo design.
Then there's, like all these little breadcrumbs of, like, different things that I've been into.
But it's been interesting the things that have been coming back up for me that were like Plate, like the's pillars in my life of Like getting Lost in things and cutting 16 no film and like watching movies all night.
[8:11] That rented for a dollar and watching like crazy fucked up B movies like The Wraith and my Mom would get up the next morning with Like, You're still watching movies and I'm like, Yes, I love said of, Ah,
it's like the What don't you are?
What do you not like versus What do you like, which has helped me cause I've had, ah, hard time making decisions my whole life and.
[8:33] And that what I started doing, what helped me was when I started saying, What do I not want to do? What do I not want to heat? What do I not want to go?
What? You know what am I not feeling like doing tonight like my not feeling social?
Ok, cool. I'm gonna stay in. You know what am I what I feel like working on right now?
Last night, I felt like working on the script, so I worked on the script. You know, I got five more pages.
I'm still experimenting with what lights me up because I had I had left that.
That's why I brought it up earlier. I had left that because in 6 2007 I found it was like, You know what? I really dig design. I didn't do it in school.
I want to try and push this direction. And so I started pushing the direction I've actually met.
My mentor, uh, one of the mentors I've had in my life.
[9:23] Taught me a lot about design thinking and like, help usher me along and has been there for me quite a bit. Like I've had some really wonderful conversations with him.
We became really good friends. He's now head of you exit Amazon. For years now, I kind of let that go That side of me go that, like, gave myself that space but have been reconnecting with that.
Like when I was a kid. I was drawing, illustrating, doing comics, doing logos.
And I got away from that. We started to have technology and you have being able to do video started to get easier, right?
Video is getting popular in business. And so I was like, Oh, Aiken, work this to get back into film and things like that, right?
I've had all these things that I've done and been paid for.
I've been looking at How can I pivot and serve, serve myself and be creative?
[10:19] But also be able to serve others. So one of the things that has come up for me has been around well,
you spent six years designing websites, doing graphic design, doing print design, doing logos,
doing that work.
You were giving yourself that space. But I was still in that beating myself up.
I didn't finish school. I didn't study, you know, in an art school. I didn't study design. I'm not a designer on this hole, much of an artist.
And so I've been revisiting that, like reconnecting with those things and just like getting my pen and my pencil and things back out and doodling Mawr and like, reconnecting that thing that I kind of like pushed away and I didn't realize it,
reconnecting with my imagination and on doing these things of like, Hey, I can do a mix and Aiken write a script and I can record and do these voices and.
[11:13] The things that I really enjoy doing.
And it's been fun like fun, like with the community and the coaching and the stuff that I'm doing with artful.
And I've been leaning into that and, like just helping people you know, doing these reminders daily, and I just had a great hang out for the filmmakers.
One I was sharing about was getting really vulnerable about,
you know, how this has been for Tiff and me because one of the guys was talking about how he's been kind of struggling with his partner and how they both like ones more introverted ones, more extroverted and all these things. And I was like, I totally get that.
And I was sharing my story because I was like, You're not alone like we're all going this weird shit. That's a weird way to live.
[11:57] We're all kind of dealing with this, but we are in uncharted territory, and so it's really affecting people.
Some people are in these really toxic relationships. Some people, we're like finding ways to just have our own space because we're stuck inside together.
And what made us work was that we were different but had similarities and things we love together.
But when you're stuck, you know this long. So we're talking about that, and like I was talking about how like I've been using, this is the time for us to get stronger by being vulnerable and so I was sharing that with him cause he and his partner he shared have been struggling.
And then the other guy spoke up was like, Yeah, you know, we're going through similar things, but not in that way in a different way. And it was nice, you know? So So the serving has been great and I definitely connect with that like that feels right.
[12:50] But on the other hand, I've also been looking at like, How do I pivot death Aura as a business person as a business owner, Sela Preneurs, Whatever you wanna call it and how do I How can I potentially pivotal Thora?
Because part of what I had put a net still on authorities site is that we help with brand strategy and development, and it was also photography and film or video and everything in podcasting.
[13:17] And so I've been really evaluating, like, you know, brand identity and logo design is one of the aspects of design that I love.
And so I've been thinking like, I have this other love that I had kind of had dormant and I've been experimenting, you know, with my reconnection with graphic design.
Coaching creatives has been so fulfilling, doing the podcast, connecting with other artists creatively.
I'm creating the space for the daily practice of like, doodling and drawing and designing more to get back into that, like let myself be back into that space that I grew up loving,
and for so long, felt like I didn't deserve it because I didn't finish school because I didn't go into that specific thing.
When I look at where we are in the world, it's been also something that I've been looking at like, Well, I can pivot good Thora.
[14:18] And support people and brands that I believe in that will that need help with how they show themselves through their branding in their logo,
um, to connect with people.
So that's one of the things I've been looking at is like Where does that sit?
Does that does. That vibe is a pivot for my company so that I can be laying that groundwork similar, like Dave Clayton.
Like I said earlier like now he's accomplished so much and he helps so many people.
And he has such a great story, and he's given himself that space to, like, go that way And he's now reaping those benefits. And it's all about through community and giving. And I'm not in this race to make money.
[15:08] But I am in this quest.
[15:13] To be, you know, devoting my time and energies into the things that allow me to keep living in the space of like what I'm speaking to on the show, you know, if, like drawing your life.
[15:25] Music.
[15:35] Well, that's it for this episode, whether this is your first time listening or you're already a fan. Thanks for being here.
I hope you enjoy the show. All links and show notes for this episode can be found at the artful dot co slash podcast.
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Thanks again for listening until next time keep being.
[16:14] Music.
