043: Tameca Coleman - Giving from an overflowing cup
Multi-talented artist talks about showing up for yourself first then your community
Tameca Coleman is a multi-talented artist, including a singer, writer, art dabbler, and even a massage therapist that is filled with curiosity about many things. They are a published multi-genre writer and editor, a promoter of creatives who create positive change, and a part-time educator. They have sung and recorded with many bands from punk-ska to an aboriginal/African experimental group with dancers. They have created many things that maybe only look good on a curriculum vitae but won’t be listed here. They love owls, Autumn, rocks, and very good pillows. They like to smell good. Sometimes when Tameca is very happy, they throw their head back & start banshee-laughing.
NOTES
How life is full of abundance and “gardening cults”
The “brown note”, sound bars in Berlin, and a Sir Mix A Lot show where the bass was so low it shook my organs
Sound healing, binaural beats, the Polish Ambassador and ARISE Festival
The importance of connecting as a community
Change, doing the hard work, and hope
Knowing what is enough for you so that you can give from an overflowing cup
The only person you are in competition with is you
The impact of keeping the promises you’ve made to yourself
How choosing labels can be empowering and is akin to having a compass for your life
How using pronouns like “they” and “them” with clients and students creates a comfortable space for everyone
The importance of respecting people for who they are and the pronouns they’ve chosen for themselves
Reflecting on where your aggression or defensiveness comes from when interacting with others
Showing up for yourself first then for your community
The trials and tribulations of getting what you are worth as an artist, specifically in the music industry
Listening to your heart
LINKS
TRANSCRIPT
Tameca: [00:00:00] Sometimes I have these songs in my head. , I think it's Heart. Do you know, Heart, that song, listen to you.heart. That's what just happened in my head, we're not talking about a relationship necessarily, but like I think, I think it's really important to trust your ideas and give them a shot and, yeah, just listen to yourself.
[00:00:27] Gabe Ratliff: [00:00:27] Welcome to artful a community committed to championing artists and creative misfits from all walks of life. This show gives you an insider's look into the real scrappy lives of artists. Creating with purpose, including interviews with beat boxers, graffiti writers, DJs chefs, photographers designers. Illustrators filmmakers and music artists from around the globe, as well as insights and inspiration from yours, truly I'm Gabe Ratliff and award winning artist, coach, entrepreneur, and fellow misfit. All right, let's do this.
[00:01:17] Hey, artfuls. How's it going out there? I hope you're having an awesome week. You may be wondering why there haven't been any interviews for a little bit. Well, this summer's been kind of odd, right? I've got a bunch of people back in the pipeline and I've got some great guests coming up for you. I also hope you've been enjoying the solo episodes. They've been extremely fulfilling for me. I've been learning so much about myself and just the process. I want to take a moment to give kudos out to. Fellow content creators out there. it takes a lot to put these together and to get these out every week or however often, whether it's on YouTube or podcasts, whether it's solo episodes, interviews, round tables, narrative, you name it it takes a lot. I wanted to give some kudos out to my brothers and sisters out there doing this work, making people's day, better inspiring them. Empowering them maybe giving them a laugh, whatever it is that you're doing, this is how we connect, especially when we can't be in person. So keep up the great work and kudos. I want to switch gears and talk about today's guest Tameca Coleman. Tameca is a multitalented artists, including singer writer, art dabbler, and even a massage therapist that is filled with curiosity about many things. They are a published multi genre writer, an editor, a promoter of creatives who create positive change and a part time educator. They have sung and recorded with many bands from punk sky to an Aboriginal African experimental group with dancers. They've created many things that maybe only look good on a curriculum. vitae but won't be listed here. They love owls, autumn rocks and very good pillows. They like to smell good. Sometimes when Tameca is very happy, they throw their head back and start banshee laughing. And then this episode, we talk about things like how life is full of abundance and gardening cults? We talk about the Brown note and yeah, that's what you might think it means. And we talk about soundbars and Berlin and a Sir Mix A Lot show that I went to where the bass was so low. It literally shook my organs. We talk about sound healing and binaural beats and the arise festival and the importance of connecting as a community. We talk about change and doing the hard work and hope. Knowing what is enough for you so that you can give from an overflowing cup and we discuss how the only person you're in competition with is yourself. We talk about the impact of keeping promises with yourself as well. How choosing labels can be empowering and is akin to having a compass for your life. We discussed the importance of respecting people for who they are and the pronouns they've chosen for themselves. And we also look at where aggression and defensiveness can come from. When we're interacting with others, we talk about showing up for yourself first, then supporting your community. We also talk about the trials and tribulations of getting what you're worth as an artist, specifically in the music industry. And finally, we talk about listening to your heart. And with that, I hope you keep listening to this episode with Tameca Coleman. hi, how are you doing? .
[00:04:37] Tameca: [00:04:37] up and down. but I'm trying to stay positive and busy. How about you?
[00:04:44]Gabe Ratliff: [00:04:44] mostly up. I'm an optimist, so I try to stay positive staying busy helps. exercising has helped me a lot. it's helped me to get out of my brain, cause I'm in pain. I'm like, can't think about stuff if you're in pain, bro.
[00:05:00] I will say the one thing that's been really nice is. Taking this time to really reassess, what's important that's happening on a global scale. I never thought we'd get to a place like that,
[00:05:14] Tameca: [00:05:14] Either meet there. It's pretty miraculous and all striking. for sure. It's Oh, yay. We all get to be in limbo together. That's neat.
[00:05:29]Gabe Ratliff: [00:05:29] It's been extremely unfortunate to have it be at these ends, but I feel like this was for a reason . we were two months into our trip and that was like 10 years of saving and a year, almost a year of planning. And, there's absolutely, I don't like to make comparisons, cause there's so much other more important stuff happening, but I still there's like on a human level when you like have gone through all that work. And people don't understand if they haven't gone through that work, and like the minimalism and the selling the stuff and the renting, your house and the putting yourself in storage and living with your family for, a month while you're trying to transition out. and then starting this thing, and my wife was burnout. It was a release for her to go and finally have this break. And then we get two months in and then it was like another trauma
[00:06:23] Tameca: [00:06:23] right.
[00:06:24] Gabe Ratliff: [00:06:24] went through, going through that, and then it hit me of fuck this really was this thing, And that was important. And it was , suck that happened. But to me, I would so much rather go through this and have all of the expansion that comes out of it for me and you, and so many
[00:06:41] Tameca: [00:06:41] Yeah,
[00:06:43] Gabe Ratliff: [00:06:43] so that as a society, we can change
[00:06:47] Tameca: [00:06:47] absolutely.
[00:06:48] Gabe Ratliff: [00:06:48] find a new place,
[00:06:50] Tameca: [00:06:50] I absolutely agree with that. pre cover it. I was like in a space where I could feel like things were starting to move for me and a really big, almost controllable and very scary way to. I don't know what's on the other side. And so there were like all these events and all these things, all of a sudden my calendar was stacking up with all of these things that I, all of a sudden was beholden to do. And I also was, choosing to work all the time, like five days a week. So I didn't have time to think straight and do my own work, which is my creative work. And then also, in, a certain kind of relationship that also took me away from that work too. And I think at least a little bit willfully, I was trying to avoid all the stuff that was starting to move and then COVID happened and, And it just trumps everything, like it just like nothing, nothing is what it was. Everything gets canceled, all the jobs get canceled. can't spend time with people as much. And so it's, it was definitely harder to fall back into those patterns. And so it's just like this space where for me, I live by myself, which I'm very thankful for a lot of. Reasons. I have a lot of friends who don't and they're going through a lot of other things that are really difficult because they're in toxic situations and they can't get out. during this time. And then me, I live by myself and there are lots of things that are very. Hard about that and at the same time, I always say I get to, look at all my shit. I get to look at everything. And, like you said, decide what's important. And, it's also It's also come to a point where it's urgent to decide what's important. this is all we have right now is now. there's no future to plan for. We don't know what that looks like. And everything that happened in the past is maybe a little bit moot right now. and so for me, it took. A lot of those fears away because, that's also a coping mechanism for me is to stay busy. so it's what do I want to fill my time? I'm with, Oh, yeah. What do I have left? And that's me. that's my stuff, my work, my hello. all of them, those things. And I'm trying to reach out to folks and stuff as I can and help out as I can. but I'm also finding, I don't have it in me to do it all the time either. sometimes it's noon before I have coffee. and, three before I have, Yeah. And I just, I just pretty much stopped beating myself up about it. because I'm like, Oh, life's not that bad. Like I have a home, I'm not food poor. and there are a lot of choices I can make for myself that I feel like a lot of people can't. and so technically I have it pretty good, and I still try not to beat myself up too much for not. doing all the things I think I should be doing, if that makes sense.
[00:09:42]Gabe Ratliff: [00:09:42] It's been a great exercise, right? Because we're going through these motions of figuring out that we have to look within and that, like you said, you were with yourself. What have I got my work? Me, I am my own work. I'm working on myself. Like we were talking a minute ago about. Things that are helping us, the things that we're doing, cooking and, doodling or poetry cards like you've been doing, and like the, COVID Chronicles coffee chats. Like I saw that and I was like, yeah,
[00:10:15] Tameca: [00:10:15] That's really cool.
[00:10:17]Gabe Ratliff: [00:10:17] I don't know if it's true, but I got the impression that, that was like a big step, To go do that kind of a thing. but how fulfilling, and you just went for it. What I hope from this is that we can take these new things that we're doing. Once we can be able to interact in person and still be able to utilize what we're getting from it. what we're gleaning from all these things. what I'm seeing from people in my network. Is that our universe is expanding and that people are really getting connected. I'm in a summer camp right now with my last guest Diane Gibbs. She invited me to be a counselor and it's this really fun summer camp for creative entrepreneurs. It's so cool.
[00:11:03] Tameca: [00:11:03] That's very cool.
[00:11:04] Gabe Ratliff: [00:11:04] is so cool. And we're doing these fireside chats. it's like at the camp where you sit around and you chat, and we do it twice a week. We just did a three hour workshop with Dave Clayton, a designer from England and he shared his story and it was so awesome. he's taken us on this journey, of how he evolved as a designer, he started designing when he was 44 and
[00:11:32] Tameca: [00:11:32] wow. That's really inspiring. Cause yeah. Cause a lot of times we think we have to be like, we know what we're doing at 24. And then by the time we're 30, we're set. that didn't happen for a lot of us.
[00:11:45]Gabe Ratliff: [00:11:45] us why I wanted to bring it up. Cause it's been like those kinds of things , and there's so much connection happening for people. And a lot of vulnerability, we're using a Slack channel too. And one of the channels is around. Limiting beliefs and hindering mindsets. We're being vulnerable. And we're talking about as creative, solopreneurs what's going on, and we're having the same thing and it's so cool to see. This growth in people that's like genuine and it's reiterating that we're not alone.
[00:12:21] Tameca: [00:12:21] that's definitely been a message I've gotten. I fill my time a lot of times to, so I don't think about hard stuff. And I had, gone through an emotional break. Yep. and it had still been going on. every time, I started getting real emotional about that. I would add a job, I'd add a job or a project . I'm like, I don't know if have all the time of this, but I'll just do it. I'll do it. Or I won't. And then. People think we have flake or whatever. so I'm practicing not doing that now, but like just being more selective and making sure I can follow through. but at that time I definitely was just , not feeling okay with being alone. and so I would fill up all my time. I had these moments where I felt so lonely, but I feel like every time I asked for just about anything, even if it's on Facebook or even if I don't even say it out loud, there's some kind of support that happens. something funny that happened during this time is, all my plants, except for two, had pretty much died. Except for a couple branches on each plant. but now I have more than 20 plants inside and I have a garden now and I asked my friends for low-light indoor plants and they kept bringing me food plants. Is there, like here's a tomato plant, here's a bunch of seeds. And then people just kept sending me stuff. now I'm like part of the gardening cults. So like people bring. Potting soil or a tomato cage. And so now I'm about to give away my first thing. I'm like this little herb kit, because that's, I guess that's what we do. I think I was getting in the mindset of lack. It's Oh gosh, what am I going to do? I'm not working. And then, people out of the blue would offer me like, like an editing gig or. or a hundred dollar coffee card for a little bit of work, stuff like that. So it's like I've been supported this whole time, by people in my communities, some of whom I didn't even know cared, or even knew me very well. or maybe there were even some hard feelings there sometimes. And like someone brought me plants or something. I still intermittently have those feelings of feeling lonely, but to have that talk with myself, you're not though, there's all this amazing support everywhere and it's like a little bit overwhelming and it's really beautiful. And it just makes me feel like. maybe I'm doing something right. which is kinda cool. And even during this time, when there's a lot of like worry, especially financially, I feel very lucky that I don't see any lacks still. there's still. Plenty. So I'm not alone and I'm not okay. And that's pretty cool people like me,
[00:15:02] Gabe Ratliff: [00:15:02] that is very true.
[00:15:04] Tameca: [00:15:04] so
[00:15:06] Gabe Ratliff: [00:15:06] and that's the thing that I love about you is that you are extremely genuine, I see you showing up, I saw you earlier in Twitter, and you were talking about activism I seriously do this. I have a reminder in my phone every day, it pops up and says, I am enough. that's one of the things we've been talking about at camp, Is like self-doubt imposter syndrome. Self-sabotage, all of these things and it's Creatives are so hard on it. We're so hard on ourselves, it comes from this place of not being enough, that's been part of my experience being here is I'm like, you know what, let's fucking dig in, man. let's do this. if we're here, especially when this first started a few months ago, I was like, I had already been on like this deep work since I left corporate. but I was like, alright man, you gotta keep going. It's not like you've arrived, And so I just kept going and it's like, all this stuff I've been uncovering, like things from my childhood with like my father and my mother. where I was getting support, where I wasn't, But all these other things have been coming up, like you and I are both big cure fans.
[00:16:13] Tameca: [00:16:13] Oh, my God. Yes.
[00:16:16] Gabe Ratliff: [00:16:16] Yeah. I saw that your questionnaire. And I was like, yes.
[00:16:22] Tameca: [00:16:22] That's amazing.
[00:16:22] Gabe Ratliff: [00:16:22] a caravan.
[00:16:25] Tameca: [00:16:25] That's how I kept myself up a few days ago. I was like a disintegration. It is.
[00:16:30]Gabe Ratliff: [00:16:30] God damn. That's such a good album. so good. My mom used to hear it and just be like what the F is that she was like, he
[00:16:39] Tameca: [00:16:39] My mom,
[00:16:41] Gabe Ratliff: [00:16:41] And I
[00:16:41] Tameca: [00:16:41] she was like, what are you listening to? This just sounds like noise. I'm like, this is the most beautiful man in the world. Mom. Don't worry about it.
[00:16:50] Gabe Ratliff: [00:16:50] I know, You do. You it's totally cool. Okay. So this is a really interesting story. So my mom's favorite artist is Stevie Nicks. So she's totally. And so she loves Stevie Nicks. I love the cure. Last year they got inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame.
[00:17:06] Tameca: [00:17:06] Yes.
[00:17:07] Gabe Ratliff: [00:17:07] So it was finally like redemption, And, Stevie Nicks got inducted right after them. And I was like, What you got for me, bro? I was like, what's up mom? By the, by they both, it's got inducted in the Brocket hall of fame at the same time. that noise that you didn't like, they're really good, actually, just as good as your lady who were also like huge fans, like Tiffany, I went to see Stevie, actually several years ago, so good. So good. They are actually, that is actually the best performance I've ever seen as far as
[00:17:46] Tameca: [00:17:46] Stevie Nicks.
[00:17:47] Gabe Ratliff: [00:17:47] Like they're her band. So on point like, so professional, seeing the musicianship and how tight they were you're seeing this like culmination of generations of music. And you're getting to see them. Who've been playing for decades, And so it was just like, Oh, so good. But when they both got inducted, I was like, it was like such validation to be like, yeah, no, that's not how it is.
[00:18:14] And like Trent Reznor speech and ducting them
[00:18:18] Tameca: [00:18:18] it was so good.
[00:18:19] Gabe Ratliff: [00:18:19] him of all people you're like, seriously, bro, just gonna go ahead and bowtie right now.
[00:18:26]Tameca: [00:18:26] That was like actually a nine inch nails was my first big concert that I ever saw. I saw tons of jazz shows and stuff too. and so I guess technically my biggest concert was a series of concerts in Moscow, Idaho. For the jazz festival, but as far as like pop music and overwhelming blow your face off shows, it was definitely nine inch nails and, perfect circle opened up for them. I didn't know what to do. I was my, I seriously, like I was just standing in the front. Like I don't even know what to do right now was like, what's so overwhelming. And so I was just frozen, just it was amazing. and, Yeah, I think maybe I would be different in that crowd now that I'm older, but yeah, that was my first time and it was just, the Gorge is beautiful and the show was beautiful. and, yeah, I just had no idea what that was going to do to me, like physiologically. Yeah. that's what I love about good concerts, like they can be like huge like that or small, like for some reason I'm thinking of Xena Parkins. Next. I like a lot of experimental music and Xeno Parkins is this amazing harvest. but she, specially tunes it and she'll play it's electric. So going through the monitors and stuff and she'll play stuff that. To me is amazing and beautiful, and discordant and different sounds and stuff on it that maybe don't that definitely normally don't get played on a harp. And that was amazing too. My friends beside me were in like fetal positions, so we had to leave, but, but I was like this like totally leaning in, and they were like,
[00:20:06] Gabe Ratliff: [00:20:06] They're crying
[00:20:07] in a field position
[00:20:08]Tameca: [00:20:08] it was mother and daughter. And I was like, Oh shoot, they're my ride. And they're very uncomfortable. Damn. We got to
[00:20:16] Gabe Ratliff: [00:20:16] You're like, this is my people and they're like screaming, like running away. Like I'm gonna go back to the car. That's awesome.
[00:20:31] Tameca: [00:20:31] But
[00:20:32] Gabe Ratliff: [00:20:32] I love those experiences.
[00:20:34] Tameca: [00:20:34] Yeah, me too. I
[00:20:36] Gabe Ratliff: [00:20:36] wouldn't be like, Oh, come to my world.
[00:20:38] Tameca: [00:20:38] Yeah, there's a few shows I've gone to, I have an inside joke with some friends about the Brown note, cause sound has that vibration and there actually used to be soundbars. And I think Berlin where you could go up through the ranks. I still haven't been able to find this article. Recall. It was either in spin or, Oh, Chrome. I can't think of the other one, the other big music magazine at the time. And it was a short little article, maybe like maybe 200 words about the soundbars and Berlin. And you can go and depending on the amount of radiation, you can stand, you could go up in the ranks and it said some people left screaming and literally shitting their pants because it was. And that's what the sound did to them. and so that's why we have that joke, the Brown note, cause there's a lot of experimental sound, and sometimes that's what it is and you literally feel it in your whole body. and it could probably shake some stuff loose.
[00:21:37] Gabe Ratliff: [00:21:37] I was just going to say, I remember a sir mix a lot show. Their subs were so big. My esophagus was shaking. Like I
[00:21:50] Tameca: [00:21:50] Oh, Holy cats.
[00:21:52] Gabe Ratliff: [00:21:52] like my organs were like, and I was just like breathing it, I was just like, I was like, so awesome. I was like, yes, this is what I love about hip hop. They have found frequencies. Like they set up dubstep and different types of bass music, future bass. there's so many different types of bass music now, they created this monster people just keep trying to one up each other with sounds and sound design. And I just love it. That's what I love about electronica. They find stuff and you're just like, I love classical. I started with classical and then jazz and then rock. And, the thing that. It does for me is just that, I love how with electronic music, they can continue to take music, but then go to this whole new level with sound design and find things like that. And then you get into the tech side with the actual equipment, like function, one sound systems and things like that. if you go and you listen to a function one, and you can finally hear what a really good sound system sounds like and good music through it, you're just like, What have I been doing my whole life? like it's just like this heavenly experience. Cause then you get the good music and you get to hear it like crystal clear. I remember going to the show and we were standing right in the middle of the club. And you could talk. And you didn't have to yell and your ears weren't bleeding. And you're like, and people can't understand it. Cause they just think loud means harsh right there. Just remember like the seventies, especially right. Like our parents and stuff. They're like, I remember and you're like, I bet you do or don't and
[00:23:37] Tameca: [00:23:37] 17th.
[00:23:37]Gabe Ratliff: [00:23:37] some of the stuff built back then is like the best, but the technology just continues to, keep pushing and it keeps evolving. And I just love it. I just think it's so great to have those experiences right. Where we can sit, laugh and talk about the Brown notes
[00:23:51]and the ceramics a lot shaken my Oregon's
[00:23:53] Tameca: [00:23:53] Absolutely. That stuff is a lot of fun. It's just That's something people forget is I work in the healing arts too. I haven't for four months, as a massage therapist, but something I'm interested in too is like sound healing. and I haven't studied a lot of it, but, enough I have what I call my bibliography. cause I always thought I would, do it more. but I try to do, I want to do everything. So sometimes you have to make decisions. Sometimes you just have, a bookshelf full of books. but like sound is really interesting. And some of it is, has been studied scientifically. Some of it's used in medical facilities, and some of it is real woo. I dig that stuff too. and then something I noticed, I can't remember what it was. there's a festival here called arise festival. and they bring, so you know about it. It's, it's really cool that it's like probably one of the most ethical music festivals ever.
[00:24:48] Gabe Ratliff: [00:24:48] what does that mean? so people can understand.
[00:24:50]Tameca: [00:24:50] I feel like all of the artists that they invited to play have some kind of, I can't think of a better word than agenda, but some kind of agenda for creating positive change. So you have people like Mike Love, Lula Cruza, raising Appalachia, and there's a lot of electronic acts too that happened, especially at night. Cause you get the laser shows and the videos. And so like folks like Polish and Bo Basadur. aye. A Nao. No, I'm saying her name wrong, but she works a lot with Polish ambassador and I'm a little. But older than a lot of the folks that are there and even performing. And so it was really cool for me to see, because there is the sound therapy happening inside of the music. I spent a good deal of yesterday. I think it was less thing to just Polish ambassador. I was like, this is some happy fucking music. this is, this music makes you feel good and all the right ways. It's it's not icky or anything. It's it's a really good vibe. And all, a lot of the, people making music there were in that same vein, and I was like, this is really beautiful. There's Tons of people who are doing this work in their music and implementing like maybe a little drone or something, that's almost imperceptible. That's actually changing the vibration of the crowd. Cause if you go to a punk show, it's definitely a different vibe. And I love that vibe. It's like very cathartic and it serves a purpose. and like creating this space where people can like. I don't know this drone for me, it's like creating, a safe pocket for people. and they can go to a certain point and explore the edges of that, kind of space that's been created. I have a lot of ideas about it, and I'm just, I'm glad they're here. They're doing.
[00:26:35]Gabe Ratliff: [00:26:35] I'm like totally lit up right now. I'm like, keep going.
[00:26:38]Tameca: [00:26:38] they do a lot of different workshops and stuff at a rise too, and they're all really beautiful. Everything from like yoga. So like one of Beyonce, his old basis is a yoga teacher and taught. Yoga at a rice festival and Polish ambassadors specifically and INO yellow , she's so amazing. they said permaculture, workshops ahead of their shows. So while they're there, they're also teaching people about permaculture. and I'm like, dude, this is so cool. What were we doing in the nineties? We were listening to depressing music and feeling sorry for ourselves.
[00:27:12] So I'm really excited for, the stuff that I've seen young people doing now,
[00:27:19]Gabe Ratliff: [00:27:19] there's a guy named Matthew and Sienna who is creative director at blind. I just watched their series called building a brand on YouTube, where they take you through, their team at blind in LA. they, we did this project where they captured the process of building a brand for this brewery is like family brewery, really cool mom and pop. They sold their house. To us start this brewery really cool story. And they take you through the process of them, like developing their new logo and their website, and they do a brand film and all this stuff, and they take you through that process and the ups and the downs. And it's beautiful because you get to see what that's like. Behind the curtain. And, so the creative director on that is this guy, Matthew and Sienna. he said this quote, when they were talking about picking music for the brand film, that was absolutely beautiful. He says, music tells you how to feel.
[00:28:15] Tameca: [00:28:15] Yeah.
[00:28:16] Gabe Ratliff: [00:28:16] I paused it, wrote it down, reiterating like what we ingest. Especially with music tells you how to feel, right? Like when you hear it in film, when you hear it in, in that kind of situation, like a rise, right? Like when you,
[00:28:31] Tameca: [00:28:31] right.
[00:28:32] Gabe Ratliff: [00:28:32] that now people are with like binaural beats and adding different waves, like you were talking about adding a drone underneath at a certain level. That doesn't compete with the music, but just fills in that frequency and like how that connects to us. It's just awesome to see that you can like, do something like that and affect people on a holistic level, Where like the mood shifts and it like brings people in to this space where they can connect and. Be in unison, and be in this space. And I'm all about the woo too, obviously.
[00:29:11] Tameca: [00:29:11] I loved it. I got some rocks right over here. I'm wearing some.
[00:29:18]Gabe Ratliff: [00:29:18] it's just like continuing to tap into the things that we do and don't know, and learning more about that. The other thing I wanted to mention is, Everland have you heard about Everland it's this eco park? like an interactive retreat in eco park. That's 90 minutes, Southwest of Denver in the mountains. I just backed it. they hit their Kickstarter goal. they actually beat it within, Oh gosh, I think it was like three or four days. It's very similar to what you're talking about with the rise and that burning man culture, but bringing it into the default world space. So it's like beautiful, beautifully designed that the one building is literally, from overhead like a birds eye view, looking down from the sky, it's literally the Everland logo. So they designed this building. It's Epic. It's so beautiful. And they have same thing. They have buildings where you can do yoga, breath, work, all these different, things around mindfulness wellness, but then they've also got all this cool stuff like hammocks up in trees. So you and a friend can go and just hide away. Up in a little, tree dwelling, or like in hammocks and stuff. And so you can go and get away and just connect with a friend but it's like beautifully done, a lot of organic things, so like furs and. organic things, wood, things like that stones. And so you can get this beautiful, like very down to earth connected space, but it's absolutely eloquently designed. it's just, so it's like taking that sort of modern vibe and then mixing it with that sort of organic, getting into that kind of woo
[00:31:03] Tameca: [00:31:03] Yeah.
[00:31:04] Gabe Ratliff: [00:31:04] but you can they're there. They're going to have events there, like music, and they'll have, things like mindfulness and all that stuff, but it's like the space where you can literally just go off and you can do retreats there. You can do family stuff. It's so it's family friendly too, but they're also going to have these, a huge pieces of art. Similar to burning man, like massive, where they're doing grants for artists and they can build these huge pieces you can interact with. And so it's like bringing that kind of mentality, but into a family friendly space that's near Denver I wanted to share that because that's sounds like something that you could potentially be like a part of. Cause they're totally, they want support and they want people to be a part of it. It's all volunteers, And people that just believe in the cause, but now they're like turning it into something, They've gotten their Kickstarter. And they've hit their goals with that. And so they now have funding to keep going with it. And it's just a beautiful thing. It's, every land.co, if you want to check out the website, I'm totally doing a absolute shameless plug for it right now. Cause I just love it. I absolutely adore what they're doing. And it's like making a difference. it's about connection, right? People sitting around a fire and meeting new friends and doing what we're doing here, like making new friends
[00:32:20]Tameca: [00:32:20] there's some academics complaining about making 70, 80 grand a year. from where I'm seeing as an adjunct, wait, I can make that much money as a professor. I can do that's I had no idea. Yeah. essentially what I was talking about over the last couple of days is the durable wheel. and it included all the different kinds of work I've done in my life, whether it was like retail or fast food, or I'm trying to do stuff on my own or working in academia. like all the different things I've done working for myself, sometimes it starts to feel like you can only get so far. what I was talking about was like, feeling duped by these stories of individualism and meritocracy. and especially as they're bound together, because I've been fed the stories all the time, I'm like, cool. yeah. If I just work really hard and I do my stuff is going to be great. but that's not totally true. working harder or at least consistently is very important. And then also community is very important and I feel like I never got that story. It was always like, just do your thing. You'll figure it out, that kind of stuff. And while there's a fair amount of that, I didn't get where I am without the help of many people, many people who didn't even have to care about me. I love the connecting part. I think sometimes I get overwhelmed with the connecting part, but I think I'm okay. So a natural connector as well, like when you're able to connect things and talk with a lot of people, you start having those broader view. and I think a lot of people like. they feel really safe in their Cloisters and stuff. And I think there's a lot that can, there are two energies I think about you have your small community of folks, however, whatever that looks like, and, a focused small community can create an amazing energy that like spirals out and affects a lot of stuff. And that's really fun to see. and that's changed a lot of my stories about Oh, I've never been a quick person or whatever. and then you have Folks who are like, who have this broader view. And I always describe myself as a person who throws the net out really why? And then you can see what's on the net and see where the connections are. And then hopefully those connecting points will jive with each other. Or maybe they won't, you just try them out or ask people or whatever and see what happens. And that's when exciting stuff happens. It's just Oh, these two communities here just connected and look at what happened, and so I like to think about those two kinds of communities or those two kinds of energies, because they've been really important in my life and I've gotten to see like really up close, like how that is generated. and that's the thing is it's always some kind of community, even if the community is moving on all over the place and like in different places at different times. or even if it's set in one. Place. It's it's never just one person, it really isn't, I'm going, it took me a really long time to realize that I'm like, I'm doing this myself, but that was a lie. It was a lie from one. cause ever since I tried to do something, it's always been a community of folks and some of the people in the community aren't that great, but you learn how to work with them. If you can. Because you can't control who's in your community, but you can learn how to work with all kinds of different energies and all kinds of different, Games or whatever. I'm not always good at it, but that's where I am now.
[00:35:38]Gabe Ratliff: [00:35:38] the bigger thing that you take from it. That is always true. Is you get out what you put into it. And it doesn't matter what it is, whether it's your poetry, whether it's your music, whether it's your writing, whether it's, whatever it is you're putting out into the world, it's what you put into it is what you get out of it. And that's what we're learning. That's what we're learning right now. We're seeing from people. What they're getting out of life is what they're putting into it. If they don't care about people. That's what we see. But then when we see so many other people that are showing up white, black, Brown, yellow, it doesn't matter what they look like or what gender. people are just showing up for each other and it's hard, like this is super hard, what we're going through. I'm going to be a little vulnerable here , my wife and I are going through some growth, because of this weird situation, right? we're in this new kind of living situation. and a lot of people are going through these things, like you were saying earlier about some people are in toxic relationships. we're not in a toxic relationship, but it's like allowing us to grow as a couple, because we're going through this thing, that's not. normal. It's not smooth. And like, things are different. And we're having to on a global scale, have to address it. And it's the same thing you were talking about with like your little community. this is my little community, like very close community is, my family here and my point to it is how great is it going to be when we get to the other side of this? if we do this work and we connect and we. Pick each other up when we fall and we, and we go through these hard times, how great is it to come out on the other end? visualize that, like, how great could this be? If we could actually have equality yeah. Equity and make changes in our government. like landmarks being pulled down the Redskins, having their name change. Finally, I'm from DC. I never thought that was ever going to happen and it is, that's hope, man. I'm all about hope.
[00:37:40] Tameca: [00:37:40] What else do we have? If not. If we don't have hope if we don't have some kind of possibility of, like the equity are talking about. And, I think for me, I always want people to see bigger. I get really frustrated when, I'm a resources person and there are resources everywhere. And, it's. Really hard for me when, people aren't able to accept that their resources anywhere, because they can't see it. there are lots of, so reasons for that inability to see, if you're in survival mode, like which people are, it's really difficult for people to see beyond that point. because they know. They have a certain amount of control if they do these certain things that are in survival mode, but then you get caught in that cycle. and, I'm just trying to, I'm always trying to figure out what that magic was for me. what broke me out of that, out of a good deal, that survival mode, like what was the spark? What was the moment? What was the words? that made me be like, Oh, there's something else. Like I don't have to live this way and I don't necessarily remember what that was, but I know that I was lucky enough to have people to say, you know what? You don't have to live this way. And at that time I was able to hear it. that's the thing for me is that's the hardest thing. And then always wanting to be there to try to help those people see too. and so that's the hardest thing is sometimes you have to leave and sometimes you have to move on and wish the best for folks, that is super painful for me because I do have a lot of hope and I do see a lot of possibility. and it's just strange and heartbreaking, when other people can't. So recently I just applied to what I call big girl job. and, I, didn't think I was qualified for it. And so my survival mode has manifested as filling my life with work, and also trying to learn a lot of skills really quickly. and I learned that you can learn a lot of skills really quickly by volunteering your time. so a lot of internships, a lot of volunteerism. and I just got in the habit of accumulating all of this, skills, and like experience. But I didn't know that what the words were to put it on like a resume. and a friend coached me about that and, said, no, you have all the skills for this job. And I'm like, I do, are you sure? And they coached me through it and I have this resume that, it, the qualifications for this job, I was just like, so I know that I am in the same boat as the people I'm talking like, no, but if I lined these things up, I'll be able to, pay my bills and have a little extra or whatever. but this person is saying, no, if you, Use the terms and the words that are, in the industry for the skills that you already have, you can do this job and your life can look a lot different. Like you can have one really solid job instead of five and a bunch of gigs on the side. And that's really cool. And I'm glad I was able to hear that. even if I don't get that job, but it was just like a huge eye opener that I need I've needed for 10 years,
[00:40:51]Gabe Ratliff: [00:40:51] I wanna go down that path for a little bit.
[00:40:53] Tameca: [00:40:53] Okay.
[00:40:54]Gabe Ratliff: [00:40:54] how does that make you feel about having this one job? And what that would bring for you as opposed to doing, several things. How does that make you feel as far as how you like to live and what you're looking for?
[00:41:11]Tameca: [00:41:11] to a large degree, I've felt like I don't deserve to be able to live better. And so I've made a habit of I've made a habit. I have, I've made a habit and a spiritual agreement to, to just have enough. I have food. I'm never hungry. my Red's pretty cheap for Denver. I don't know how I lucked out on that. and really great landlords. So it hasn't changed in three years, knock on wood. they're real, really good people . So I'm like, yeah, this is what I need is like $1,200 a month, which is a lie, but that's what I need to survive, which is not very much money. And so it's hard to move. Much further beyond that money wise, if that's all you're making. I've had to have some talks with myself. Like maybe it's okay to do. And, maybe I want to now. And what does that look like? Pre COVID. I was working five jobs, seven days a week. I had three massage gigs. I was a professor. I think I still am, but I'm not sure if I have students in the fall and I was working at Starbucks because none of those other jobs have. Insurance inherit. Yeah. so I was doing that and, was trying to freelance too, wondering why I couldn't really, have much Headspace around like writing extra articles and things like that. And things were falling through my fingers because I was working five jobs, seven days a week, hauling my massage chair, like 20 miles on what, like just doing that, like right after I taught a class, going to a massage gig, that kind of stuff. and. I thought something was wrong with my brain. cause it wasn't be able to think very well. and I was suffering a lot of anxiety and stuff. so four months later, I'm like, Whoa, I'm starting to get my head space back. and if I was working one solid job that paid more than all those jobs altogether, the thing that comes to mind that I want in my life is, someone to come to my house once a week and clean it for me because I do tend to stay very busy and don't really have head space to do that. I've just come to terms with that. but I would like to have folks over once in a while and maybe it. And that's really exciting for me to be able to be like, Whoa, I could hire someone to like clean for me while I'm in here working away or something. that's really fucking cool. something I've done without for 20 years is, like my own wheels. like driving, part of it is fear, but part of it is an expense I didn't really want to deal with. Cause I didn't. I told myself that I wanted to make just enough, and then. this tendency to give a lot of my money, I just had some gigs and stuff and I was like, cool. I can purchase all those band camp things that I've wanted to for three years, for my friends and I can, Support this thing or support that thing. And then I look at my bank account. I'm like, Oh yeah, that's right. That's why that signs up there is that I give from an overflowing cup. So that's the, that's a practice I've been practicing. I get from an overflowing cup. because when you don't have a winter coat and you give $300 to your artist friend, which is w which is really cool, cause they have a really fucking cool project. it's probably best to buy the coat first.
[00:44:11] Gabe Ratliff: [00:44:11] Yeah. Keep yourself alive.
[00:44:13] Tameca: [00:44:13] Yeah, so preservation, but that's something. but that's something that's exciting for me too, because a lot of people have helped me, a lot of people in my creative community. they work in the background and they help folks out, like just in the background. And so a lot of those folks have shown up. For me just out of the blue, I want to help you will transportation to this residency, or I want to help you realize you have the skills for this job, . And so those things have been huge helps for me. I really like to do that too. And that's something that I don't really want to do. I'm always saying that my prayers , I'm ready to make more money. I'm going to give half of it away anyway. help me out here, but maybe, I'm being. Yelled at to like, give from the overflow. so help me to have enough and overflow so I can. do that as I learn how to, take care of myself better. I don't have like super altruistic things. I just get really super excited about people's stuff, I dunno, something came up the other day and I was like, I really want to support that. Right now. so I often ask people how else I can support if I can. And so like my copy chats as part of that.
[00:45:25]Gabe Ratliff: [00:45:25] I love you so much. I love that you show up that way. I love that you do that. Like the thing that's so fascinating is like this experience that we just went through was that whole thing of realizing, like I'm a minimalist and or centralist, however you like to think of it. Going through the process of selling our stuff and seeing money for like experiences we want to go have or things we want to support. we got down to a backpack each and a rolly bag.
[00:45:56] Tameca: [00:45:56] Wow.
[00:45:58] Gabe Ratliff: [00:45:58] in Asia, and it was like, and we try to do just two backpacks, but we've found out because of my podcasting gear and stuff like that, it didn't quite work out like we planned because of their weight limits. Just know that kids, if you're in Asia, they have weight limits for planes. That's a pro tip. and so it saves you time, hassle, and a lot of extra fees. If you have that extra back, cause you can check it. And so we would check things and I could take my gear that's, easily breakable or could get stolen. So those things, we kept in the backpacks, but you get down to what you really need. when we got here from Sri Lanka, I had everything I needed. I have my little light. I got, had my mic. I had my laptop, I've been able to podcast have been able to do my work. I've been able to keep coaching and keep developing art full and like doing all these things, I got what I need. we even have our kitties now even get our kitties back. we have a home, and it's like enough. And that's something that I love talking about. I love that you are in that space and like it's okay. that's one of them, the things that you see when you travel. That's why I love travel is you get to see when you go to places like Amsterdam, they don't have these big places. They've got these little flats and they have all these huge patios on the restaurants and their bars because everybody hangs outside. They go to the parks, they like hang out and do things together. They go to the NDSM, it's just like all just art and there's street art everywhere. And there's artists out. And there's this is really sick bar that was like playing. It was amazing reggae and dub and people are just chilling. Okay. And drink bites, Just enjoying life. it's like you're talking about with your cup, right? give from an overflow link. So the problem is that so many people and I'm not trying to preach. It's just, I totally love where you're at. And I want to enable it because as I want people listening to this to not feel bad about this, because it is about what's enough and then what you have overflowing. I love you give it back, What a wonderful way to live, right? Cause you're supporting others so that they can feel enabled to do what they want to do. That's what this show is about. that's why I'm like, woo, because people have these big houses, these big yards and they fill it with big shit and they have a lot of stuff and they hoard and hoard and they just keep packing it in and they get a storage unit and they put stuff there. So they're paying for a house and they're paying for a storage unit. They've got these big cars, they're full of shit, and you've got insurance and all of these things, you're paying for it. I love that you haven't had a cart, right? Like you've got all these expenses. You've kicked out. That's the same for as here. we were able to live. and like we have enough, we have what we need. It's actually beautiful. Cause we wanted to live by the beach. And so now we do, like we, we manifested what we wanted and it's not how we expected to do it. But that's where you pivot. And I love that. That's where it's coming for you. As far as this job you're talking about to circle back. I just wanted to like, say that to you because I love all of that. I love that. That's how you show up. That is
[00:48:57] Tameca: [00:48:57] I can't hold it because there are like so many amazing things and amazing people and I get it. Frustrated with a lot of stuff too. Okay. Especially in creative community. because anytime there's that mindset of lack or that weird thing that happens, competition's always going to happen. but people creating amazing stuff, but they're not banned blasting it. there may be hesitant to put it out there I get that feeling With whatever influence I have, I want them to have space. and there are lots of folks who are the headliners, I guess you could say, and they deserve to be there. and there are some people where are headliners. I'm not so sure about, but, you can't control who's in your community.
[00:49:40]Gabe Ratliff: [00:49:40] Right. That's another lesson that we're learning in this episode, kids.
[00:49:46] Tameca: [00:49:46] Yeah, Charles in your community. So maybe still not be jerks to them, which is sometimes hard to, but there's space for everyone. I think I really do believe there's space for everyone. And that I don't know, that's something that's important to me and I have limited time and energy and Headspace. So I want to support the things that I want to support.
[00:50:07]Gabe Ratliff: [00:50:07] here. it's difficult cause I'm like you, I'm a multidisciplinary
[00:50:12] Tameca: [00:50:12] Yeah, I like that.
[00:50:14] Gabe Ratliff: [00:50:14] however you want to, but I don't know if I'd say multitalented, multidisciplined, artists, I like different art and. Whether I'm doing it or appreciating it. There's so much out there to love. you and I are both givers, so that's difficult, To put a boundary on, like, how much do you give, how much do you take for yourself? What do you say to people? These people that you're talking about, then this is us too, but what do you say to these people who are holding back and aren't the headliners? what do you say to them?
[00:50:48]Tameca: [00:50:48] something that I've been carrying with me for the last few months or so it's there's this, photography course. It's like a year with my camera totally free. and they take you from every like aspect of starting off with Learning how your camera sees light too. all the other things. , but one of the first things she has in her book is the only person I'm in competition with is myself. and that. Relieved so much for me. Cause I know I've experienced so much anxiety of I'm not doing enough. Like I need to do be doing something else. I need to be doing it differently and blah, blah, blah. No, I can do what I can do. And also my creative process. This is my creative process and it works. However it works. And if I can finish those postcards that are in there waiting for me to finish, and send them off on Monday. That's. Awesome. that's the only person I can compete with. it does matter what other people are doing, but I am in community with them. I don't want to be in competition with them because if I'm really, truly living my word, that there's space for all of us, I can only be in competition with myself. it's a community and hopefully we get to support each other as much as possible. and obviously there's politics or whatever, but I don't even have head space for that. I want to jive with the things I jive with and boost those things and not to exclusion, but just I truly honestly get emotionally excited about certain things. And I want to talk about it. that's one thing I would say as like the only person you can compete with this yourself and a reframing that happened yesterday for me as far as promises go, last year I was real distracted and. Having a lot of emotional times. And a lot of things fell through my fingers. One day I sent 12 emails and told them, I'm sorry, I can't fulfill this project. and some of them I'm getting back to now. and the thing that I had to reframe for myself was like, not that I failed, that things were falling through my fingers. Cause that stuff happens. what I started to realize is people understand. That. And there was a lot of compassion in that, in those letters I sent. the reframing was, am I fulfilling the promises I've made to myself, that it was a reframing that I really needed because, I'm the kind of person who tries to fill up all of my time as a coping mechanism with work and projects. and it's been a coping mechanism because, there's a lot of my stuff that's really hard to look at sometimes. and so I'm like doing all of that work and stuff and like what. What things that, what things have I wanted to do that I haven't been doing? so one thing I did. Recently was actually a rented a base. I have a real sad story about a base rental and the eighth grade that went really bad and I never got to play. And I've been carrying this, the story off my, all of my life and my friend, Michael Bizzio, he's been teaching and I'm like, I wish I could. I had a bass and I was like, wait, no, I'm 40. Plus I can make that decision for myself. And so I did, I'm not keeping with the bass lessons right now, but it helped me to change that sad story is like, Oh no, I can make a decision. I can rent the base any time. And I can reach out to my friend or someone else to, do that. And it felt really good. Like I wasn't a very good student or whatever, but it was just like, yeah, this is cool. I made the decision. I don't have to carry the story and I fulfilled a promise to myself. and so another one of those promises is like my own physical and mental health. Am I fulfilling those promises for myself? and if not, how can I go about that? so I see it. Therapist regularly. And I'm very thankful I'm able to do that. I, started a yoga teacher training online just because it was only $250 and, it'll help me brush up and refresh and get my certificate again. and for me, that's fulfilling a promise. To myself, because I'm recommitting with that discipline, which I need for my own mental and physical health. as far as my work is concerned, am I fulfilling my promises to myself and my writing my own stuff of my working through my stuff? Am I submitting things, am I wearing, so all of those things and that's that totally reframes it because instead of wondering what other. People are thinking and they haven't even told me what they're thinking. Just assuming I'm like, am I fulfilling my promises to myself? Is this something I want to do? And if it's not, I can always send that email and say, I'm sorry, I can't. So fill this or whatever, or just not even agree to do it in the first place so I am not a mic flaky mic flake person. and so that was the big reframing for me. And it's just, it just happened, like just happened.
[00:55:15]Gabe Ratliff: [00:55:15] That's awesome. that was one of the things I really loved about when I was getting, more acquainted with you is that we both share this passion for a lot of creative arts. And that was one of the things that was like we gotta be friends, And like we got to talk cause we have to support each other, and at least I believe in that. And I believe that there's so many of us out there that have this dilemma, this came up in the camp, many of us, we're finding out that we all have ADHD.
[00:55:43]Tameca: [00:55:43] I'm pretty sure I haven't been diagnosed, but
[00:55:46] Gabe Ratliff: [00:55:46] me too. And so that's something I'm now looking at, like you were talking about, going to a therapist. Like I've been looking at, that's like another thing that's come up in this journey this year of stopping and taking some time to not be distracted, like going for walks and like looking within, asking questions and like getting curious about things and. I asked someone in the camp, I was like, did this help? Like having a name for it? cause I don't believe in being enslaved by things. I just feel I feel like that's something that. When I was younger, I was being like a young little, punker who I was like, people that are like alcohol Alex, or are, or druggies or whatever are like just being enslaved by these things to cover up other things. And I was like, I got this, I was studying psychology and shit, and I thought I knew it. All right. we're young, we're stupid. And you don't know what you don't know, but then you get older, you know? And there are things that we need to learn about ourselves and so I was asking her, as you were learning about this, about yourself , was it a positive thing having a name for it and giving it a label? Or did you feel like it was enslaving you? And she was like, no. Oh my God, it was amazing. because now I understand these things in my mind about how I react to things. having a name for it has been just such a blessing. Cause I understand where this is coming from. And I've been having these conversations with a lot of friends of mine that are creatives. And they're bringing that up. And they're saying like, I found this out and I was like, Oh my God, so I started reading about it a little while ago. I found out there's so many levels to it. There are like different types. And I was like, Oh, I didn't know. There's I thought, okay, was this like, you were crazy hyper and you couldn't focus and you needed diem or whatever. And I, or Adderall or whatever it was. And I didn't know that there was like all these different levels and I was reading one and I was like, Oh my gosh, inattentive, ADHD. I was like five out of the seven things I totally was like. Yeah. Cause I have focus issues like beyond normal. I read extremely slow cause my focus is so broken and I get distracted so easily. And so now that we live in this world of distraction, every fucking day,
[00:58:02] Tameca: [00:58:02] It really is. I've been trying to do a lot of my own work and I've noticed like it's been getting worse. so that's why I like started going into therapy and talking with her and, we're starting with physiological things first, before we decide completely. it's definitely, for all different levels, I know I used to be the kind of person that was like, eh, I don't like labels, and so over the last eight years or so , labels have been becoming very important and, gosh, what did I see it? And there's a character in dear white people. I don't know if you've seen dear white people.
[00:58:38] Gabe Ratliff: [00:58:38] yet.
[00:58:39] Tameca: [00:58:39] Very good show. very good show. And there's a character in there who's gay. He's the homosexual kid, but he doesn't totally, he's not totally sure. he doesn't like labels and he doesn't want to use a label. I'm like, I totally get that. And there's like this moment in that I think it was the first season where some someone told him, you need to choose a label because I can't, I wish I could remember exactly how they said it, but it really hit me because it was just like, once you decide, then you're like, Oh, okay. this weight has been lifted and there's, it's no longer a question it's I love liminal spaces. I feel like I'm in between a lot of things, but like being able to say something like I'm queer and like being able to decide something like I'm black and being able to, decide something like, Oh yeah, I am a photographer. things like that . It's a compass and it also sends a message. So I had to do that. Part of that. Labeling came up for me when I was working on massage therapy and I decided to work at a place called I'll go at you, Sangha healing. The reason why I decided to work there is because Michelle Custer, works with people who are underrepresented on both sides of the table. And so that's black folks, lots of is, queer folks, elders, and, activists and, folks that really needed this work. and. for whom this work wasn't always assessable. And I wanted to work in that landscape because, gosh, it feels so much better. Sometimes it's hard because you're in the communities that you're working with and a massage, there are certain ethics and stuff that are really helpful to maintain. and sometimes, like small communities or whatever, sometimes it's really difficult to do that, but, I didn't want to work with, folks who are just coming in to tell me to just work on their left shoulder blade the whole time when I know it's going to mess them up even worse, or people who, think massage is a whole different industry sometimes. so I don't want to work with those kinds of folks because they didn't really care about me. They didn't care about the community I was in. and they didn't care about the communities that. I'm helping to build, but Sunday was different and in order for our clients to feel safe, Michelle and I had this talk about whether or not I wanted to say that I was queer. cause it's not something I've stated out loud, much my whole entire life, And we had that talk and I was like, yeah, and POC and queer. And it felt uncomfortable at first. But then I started realizing how important it was to create that safe space for our clients. and also some of my students it's too. So if I go to the front of the class and I'm the one that says they, them pronouns, they know that's an imitation for them to do that if they feel comfortable. and we don't have to go through the whole, Okay. What are your pronouns? Which, is becoming more, more something we do, which is great. And a lot of students haven't made a decision about it yet, for a lot of different reasons. And then also it's a message I send to my students who are not. Initially going to be hospitable for my queer students. I've become more comfortable with labels. because we live in a society that like the information comes so quick. and sometimes all we have is what do you have in a Twitter bio? like not very much space, right? Sometimes three words. Sometimes you have three word bio and, that's what we get. And so it becomes important to figure out the best words all of the time, to send your message and to be who you are in the world. I hated labels and now I'm not totally comfortable with them, but I feel they're necessary. when you're comfortable, With them.
[01:02:18]Gabe Ratliff: [01:02:18] cause you can own it, right? You can own it. It's giving you power. it's one of the things I've been watching and bless his heart, Emmanuel Ocho, doing his uncomfortable conversations with a black man
[01:02:31] Tameca: [01:02:31] Oh my gosh. Those are mean, yeah. Yeah.
[01:02:34] Gabe Ratliff: [01:02:34] good. But one of the things that has come up, in the conversations recently is around the N word, I'm like, do we seriously have to keep explaining this? but I also understand, like I've been in hip hop since the mid eighties, so I'm like, I get it. I understand. But it was an empowering movement that was created within the black culture. To have some fucking power and be like, we are going to take that back and not have it be this thing over us. And now people. Are starting to understand with things like the 13th, with documentaries, like the 13th or with, the conversations like Emmanuel Ochoa's having, and like these kinds of conversations, like we're still, people are starting to get an understanding of Oh 500 years is a long time for people to have been enslaved or to be in the prison industrial complex, that proves that case. taking that name back and saying, I'm going to have this power. You're not because you have enough power, And now we're starting to get past that and get to a place of, I just want equality. And beyond that, I want equity. I want to have the same thing you have because. We're both human, not asking for more. some people are having such a hard time and they feel like they're going to lose some power. And it's no, it's taking the power back and like putting these messages out and having these conversations. They're difficult. I wanted to speak to that actually really quickly around the pronouns. I was speaking to queer eye recently I love Jonathan van ness. I love them all. I love them all. They all have a special little area in my heart, but I love him because of how he shows up. He was just on the cover of 'em was a Cosmo. He was on the cover and it's like the first ever. Non-binary person to be on the cover. And I was speaking about him recently and I just did it. I said, speaking about him and it's them. And it's those things that are a part of this process. It's difficult, but having these conversations and continuing to have a space for I'm going to fail sometimes because we're trying to shift. , generational, parameters that have been put on us around language for what people are called, And if you have more feminine traits, you're a her, and if you have more masculine traits, you're a him and I did that exact thing. And I said, him and I was like, They do not want to be called him or he, they want to be called they or them, and it's a practice. And I talk about this a lot. It's a practice. but I just wanted to share that story and be vulnerable about that and that I failed, and that I heard myself and I was like, man, you're totally doing it. You're saying, Hey, and him. And not how they want to show up.
[01:05:40] Tameca: [01:05:40] But here's the difference . You're acknowledging that and you're practicing. And I know I mess up a lot too. and, it's going back and practicing, like even in the moment. And I know people who actually recently someone who I stopped being friends with them, a little bummed about it, but it's just gotten to a point where, like I said, I don't have time or head space. for folks who aren't willing to change in certain ways, or who aren't ready to change yet, cause I've learned my lesson. I put my life on the back burner for a while. A lot of people who, I kept trying to help or whatever. but this particular person, they're in a living situation. It's not a great living situation. The person they're living with is having. some troubles. And so it's making them not, be able to function very well and very hard to live with, and while I saw that, this person is also, a trans person, and hasn't gone through a transition, isn't sure if they want to, And they consider themselves trans and, they just, the way they want to. And I have another friend that this person was talking about who is non binary, and it's very well known in the community and, We all get to be whole people and this person was, maybe not always good, but has grown a lot as they've aged. And so this person who I'm no longer friends with was like, just very angrily. Like I don't like this person because of what they did to my friends and just absolutely mis-gendering them. almost out of spite, like they are not. The gender that they say they are, because of the way they appear they're this. And they said this about their roommate too. because of the way I perceived them, these are their pronouns and they were just like really angry about it. in the moment I wasn't able to deal with it because I felt shocked. Yeah. And then I also remembered, Oh yeah, this is why I feel uneasy. Hanging around you, because I do have a lot of queer and gay and like non binary friends and asexual friends and et cetera. And it just made me really uncomfortable. Cause who am I, if this is someone I'm hanging out with, who's doing this because of the violence, it's a violence, just as much as her using. their roommates, that name, cause they changed they're in the process of changing their name and I just found myself really frustrated. And so instead of standing up in the moment and like talking with them, then I did make a Facebook post because I've also seen it, what, some of my relatives or some other friends and stuff, and I'm like, this isn't okay. if someone says they're she, he, them, Jay, whatever, let them. that is their prerogative and that is their choice. And that is how they feel that they are. That's how they're existing. And you need to like respect that as much as someone's name, as much as their chosen name, no less. And this is really fucking important to me. And I don't think I can spend time with people who don't think that's important. and that's the difference, it's like, there are a lot of us. Yeah. We're gonna mess up. especially when, we are along with our friends who are transitioning and we've known them before their transition, it's where it's going to be different. But the willingness to practice and the willingness to say, Oh, I'm so sorry. I know you're saying something different now. And I want to honor that and I want to acknowledge that's way different than just like backing someone in the corner and saying, no, you're not what you say. You are.
[01:08:54] Gabe Ratliff: [01:08:54] Yeah. the thing that came up for me is obviously those are projections, and those are pushing buttons right there. There's some kind of pain it's never personal, right? It's never, I'm a firm believer in the four agreements and that it's never personal. Those are hard to practice, but they're part of my daily mantra. But it's, whenever I hear those kinds of things where I see that kind of, action or reaction to someone in that kind of a way, or in similarly for myself, like if something comes up and I get defensive about something, that's one of the things I've been really working on is. Triangulating. Where is that coming from? A lot of times, it's self doubt. I had this conversation with a friend of mine recently where he was doubting, if he's an artist and I was like, you're a fucking artist, bro. I am shining a mirror back on you. I want you to understand, if your music is out and someone else is selling that music with their label on it, they have indicated to you, you are a music artist, you are a professional, and it doesn't matter who you are. There's so many of us that have that issue. I wonder. Where that comes from for someone who has that. Cause they know that's going to sting so bad, what is the pain that person's going through?
[01:10:14]Tameca: [01:10:14] I have my guesses and I think this person is questioning and has been for a long time. there are a lot of good qualities for this person I feel guilty because I wasn't able to step to it in the moment, and say, look, this isn't cool, man. this is not cool. And I, did not handle it well, but, I think that's part of it. And then I think there's probably. Fear too, for things that I can't even talk about, there's some fears there, that are wrapped up in that.
[01:10:44]Gabe Ratliff: [01:10:44] I don't think we always have to be, we don't always have to be this like force, this tour de force, In those kinds of situations, we can also find other ways to honor that situation like this conversation, right? Like you can speak to, I was in this conversation. This is how I reacted and responded. I was also in shock. So on a human level, I was taken aback and was not like primed for dealing with it. Like when you go out and you're an activist, right? Like you are making a choice of, I am going out my door to go make a difference when you're in that kind of a situation. If somebody throws a curve ball, Cause they're pissed or
[01:11:25] Tameca: [01:11:25] Ooh, that's a doozy.
[01:11:26]Gabe Ratliff: [01:11:26] And so I wanted to make sure and just speak to that for a second and, and call that for what it is. Cause I feel like sometimes we beat ourselves up for these moments like that. and I want to make sure that we like continue to check in on those things too, because I think situations call for different types of responses and it's okay. if you're not that kind of energy. And you're not this I'm going to stick up for this person. Cause I need to be that way myself. You're not you're your genteel, right? Like in, you're in this place of like support and love.
[01:11:54]Tameca: [01:11:54] I'm trying to bring that Kali energy in there when I need to, but.
[01:11:58] Gabe Ratliff: [01:11:58] copy that. yeah. And I think it's practice, right? Like we keep supporting each other and that's why allyship being understood. it has a name and we can now talk about it and say this is allyship and I'm seeing it all over the place. I follow black allies matter on Instagram. And I see these videos constantly. I saw the one the other day where this white woman. Was that like a town hall. And she was talking about how the police showed up at her backdoor, her backyard with flashlights, and we're being like super creepy and she was home and she's like, what are you doing? She didn't know they were police until they finally acknowledged themselves. It was a super sketchy situation, her dog was barking and our neighbor, it was like, I'm sure it was like a next door bullshit where the neighbor called on the dog, but it was her dog. She was home. It's like a Sunday evening. And the lights are on she's home. They could have knocked on the door and been like, Hey, we got a report. They were sneaking around in her backyard with flashlights. She was scared to death. this is what she called out. She was like, I was afraid they were going to shoot my dog. If I was a black woman, I would have been afraid they were going to shoot me. And I was like losing it. I was like, I'm holding it back now. But I was like, that's the kind of stuff that people are doing now to speak up and say, I'm not going to put up with this anymore. I think, there's a time and a place for that kind of allyship. And I think having this conversation about that situation to me seems like a really great way. To speak to how that can happen, and maybe people can re you know, they can respond to this episode, if you're listening to this and and this speaks to you, and maybe you have some thoughts about how this situation could have been handled, especially if you're trans or queer, or, any of the LGBTQ community, speak to what this says to you. Let us know.
[01:13:57] Tameca: [01:13:57] Okay.
[01:13:58] Gabe Ratliff: [01:13:58] One of the things I wanted to ask you about is somethings that's been circling around in our conversation is around putting yourself first, and you've been talking about that. And so I want to ask you as someone who's also been working on this, cause pretty much my whole life I've been in giving I'm a giver. And I used to give at the detriment of myself for a long time. That was a big learning lesson. Growing up. Sounds like the same for you.
[01:14:26] Tameca: [01:14:26] Oh yeah. Yeah. It's a hard habit to break. cause I think, I've been receiving a message since I was very young, and. I think to some degree there's I would love to belong to a family unit where I contribute is extremely important for me to contribute, to feel like I'm contributing. I actually left someone once because they, took away my ability to contribute. and they were trying to make a safe space for me so that I could do whatever I. Wanted to do, which was really cool, really huge gift. but I also felt like I wanted to contribute to our house and, those kinds of things. So that was really important to me. and, I didn't have to do that. And so I have to reframe that a little bit right now in this space, because like I did make that choice. I was like, yeah, Yeah. Cause I just realized, I think I've always known, but I just put it in two words out loud that like what a great gift that was given to me that I could contribute in all these other ways. but I felt so much guilt that I wasn't, contributing to our relationship. because the reason why that happened is because I had been in, a relation for eight or nine years or something before that, where, literally we had a conversation, whereas he wanted to go to school and I'm like, cool, I want you to go to school too. And I want to go to school too. And I am worried that. you're going to go to school and then you're going to leave me. And I am supporting the house. I am working this job to pay the bills and buy the groceries and all these other things. And, you get to go on tour in the summer and go to school. Cool. and I want to make sure I'm supported too. And we actually had that conversation and he was straight up. No. No. Cause I asked him if I could be supported to go to school first because I knew that my commitment was there and I was going to continue to support and his answer was no. and if I was stronger at the time, I would have known that wasn't a good relationship. I think, relationships and communities are worth fighting for, and it's worth it to grow together and stuff, if that can happen. but that was a big lesson for me. And so like I overcompensated in that next relationship, right? if you're okay with my work and my school and all these things. Being my number one, then we're okay. And then that's it happened right after that relationship, I felt so much guilt because I wasn't contributing to that relationship. And so then I went back to my old tendencies of giving everything away all my time, all my energy, all of my money, all every, anything I had, I was giving it away. And of course there comes a lot of resentment and all this other things, and that's the thing. It was always my choice. It was all always my choice. I always made that choice. And so now I'm in my forties and, you know, it's covert times I live with myself and I am always going to live with myself. And, it comes back to that thing. am I fulfilling my promises for myself? Because I've experienced a lot of sadness and heartbreak around, people disappointing me and leaving and all this, so their stuff. And what I have is my stuff, am I showing up for myself? I wasn't. In any of those situations, I was not showing up for myself. I was, with the one guy that I was like, these things are my priority. but to the other degree, and so sometimes I feel like I really missed out on something bigger and special because I don't, there are other reasons why that didn't work out, but I could have shown up in that relationship more. but I was unwilling to be because I had done the other thing, but yeah. And then the guilt and then doing it all over again. So now I'm where I'm at and it's just Whoa, I'm in my forties. We don't know how long we have here. I don't know how long I have here and what are the things that I want to create. am I going to be okay if I don't do those things? No. So I should probably do those things.
[01:18:13]Gabe Ratliff: [01:18:13] That's great I understand where you're coming from with that. it's difficult, right? Because it's for people like us who. Empathize with others and our givers. for so long, I was giving so much at the detriment of myself, figuring out how to connect with people and like who you can give that much to as far as whether it's in things or in experiences or your love and support. But that's why I wanted to ask you. Cause I totally understand it, and my wife for so long and our relationship. she was at a fortune 50 company did really well. And that was something that I'm like, Have had similar feelings of am I showing up enough? Am I being enough in here? And I was trying to keep up, and it was like difficult. And I realized that later I was like, I was trying to keep up. And that was really difficult, And I wasn't in that place yet when we met, I was a drummer in a rock band about to go on tour. We were cutting our album. I was super stressed, and I worked at a record shop. and I was on my way. I wanted to be, I was a music buyer. I wanted to have my own record store before digital hit and
[01:19:31] Tameca: [01:19:31] Tanked all of our dreams.
[01:19:33] Gabe Ratliff: [01:19:33] Fucked up the music industry
[01:19:36] Tameca: [01:19:36] yeah. it's very strange. when I was pro gigging, singing, For regular gigs, I got paid everything from like $300 to a Pat on the back. cause I didn't really drink very much, a lot of folks got paid and beers, cheap ass beers, and I've gotten some scholarships and stuff for singing some places, and even trying to book folks like it's really difficult. you can have the most in line with avant garde, New York, jazz history, connected with all the big cats, like really important cats, they need to get paid. All they're asking for is two grand for three guys, right? Like $2,000, at least one meal, a drive to and from the airport and a place to stay for a couple of nights. that's what they need. I'd call these places. Cause I thought it was going to be a booking agent for awhile. and they knew I was green, so that didn't help. But they were like, yeah, we only have two or $300. And usually we only hire locals. Cause that's the money we have. And I'm like, ah, yeah, they need a plane ticket. And just no money and, people not being creative about how to get these players to come play. so that was really stressful little three or four months trying to do that. Because, after they got paid, I got paid, and it ended up, I never made any money off of it, but I did learn a lot. from my point of view, it's just been. Really difficult and people treated us like, Oh, that's your hobby. so like maybe we'll pay you. Maybe we won't like, maybe there's $20 in the hat. Yay. You can get gas, you could pay for the gas on the way here. It's just really frustrating. I've seen a lot of amazing music. not go anywhere because of this very thing, people need to eat, they need to survive the need to like. sustain their families and their homes. and not everyone is able to make it. I know musicians who are amazing, who mostly gig out of the country. and that's where they get the money is out of the country, not in the country. and some people do movies, some people do music scores, and there's, I guess you can get, you can do pretty well doing that,
[01:21:44] Gabe Ratliff: [01:21:44] Oh, it takes so long to get into it though.
[01:21:47] Tameca: [01:21:47] It seems pretty tight.
[01:21:49]Gabe Ratliff: [01:21:49] do you know, Bri noble, have you ever heard of Brie noble?
[01:21:52] Tameca: [01:21:52] The name sounds familiar, but I'm not sure.
[01:21:55] Gabe Ratliff: [01:21:55] She's she's been on the show. She does femme musician.com. She also does women of substance podcast, she actually helps. Female musicians to figure out how to , make a business of your music, like how you can do something that works for you without, necessarily having to go down the route of, Touring and merch and that whole, like what everybody thinks of as the way you have to do it, but there's so many other ways you can do it. I just thought, I'd mentioned that in case that might be of interest to you to just see what she's got out there. And she supports women, artists like crazy. That's like her whole mission.
[01:22:35] Tameca: [01:22:35] that's really cool. Yeah. Thank you. I want to say too, I think you're fucking, um, yeah, it's really cool to see. that's stuff I get excited about, because sometimes with feeling like other people, it's hard to be around them because not most people are very genuine for a lot of different reasons. a lot of it is like we're protecting ourselves. So every time a boss comes up to me and they're like, Oh, you're so earnest is so refreshing. I'm like, Oh shoot, am I going to get fired right now? Like, corporate and academia and stuff, that's not necessarily a good thing to be is earnest. I feel like, but I can't like help myself apparently. I've had a boss come up to me and say that more than once. I'm like, Oh shoot, what's going on. but I love that. I love, genuineness, and, yeah. And so thank you. Thank you for being here, it's so cool. And, yeah, don't want to use the word refreshing, but it is very refreshing, but it's more, it more leads me towards. those feelings of hope, like that we don't have to, The crazy terrible people to each other, to make it or whatever, we can actually be good to each other. that gives me a lot of hope.
[01:23:51]Gabe Ratliff: [01:23:51] Thank you. my motto is all about drawing your life, not tracing it. that's at the core of why I wanted to have this conversation with you and, get a little deeper into some of these topics, because we're both doing that. we're drawing our lives. We're not tracing them like we said earlier, we were into so many different arts, music and poetry and writing and art and all these different things. , that's why I was excited to speak to you because coming from that place where we like so much to be able to have this conversation around, like taking care of ourselves and taking care of others, like having that similarity as well. And then, how do we navigate these things like when you talk earlier about the job. The one job and it, fulfilling so many things, but being able to plug that back into the things you already want to do, like supporting others and giving away in the ways that work for you.
[01:24:48] Tameca: [01:24:48] and the job itself would be in a. Anybody that does that in the community as well. So it has a similar, mission that I can actually feel comfortable with myself working there with, it's not like century link or something, which I Pat jobs, and was not very happy. I know that I need that. If I'm going to be spending a lot of time with something, I need to know that, what it's bigger picture is, and to know that it's doing good in the world, that's become really important to me.
[01:25:20] Gabe Ratliff: [01:25:20] You're here. that's the, that's why you're here because I want to showcase people like you and show that were we're here and we're not alone. And that it's okay to. Feel the way that we do, and like that we can get through this together. So I wanted to ask, as we wrap this up and start to wind down here, what's the one key takeaway that you'd like listeners to take with them from this conversation.
[01:25:50]Tameca: [01:25:50] Sorry, I'm laughing because sometimes I have these songs in my head. , I think it's Heart Do you know Heart that song, listen to you.heart That's what just happened in my head we're not talking about a relationship necessarily, but like I think, I think it's really important to trust your ideas and give them a shot and, yeah, just listen to yourself. in my thirties and my early to mid thirties, I started realizing there are a lot of really amazing women, intentioned people who knows certain things about you and to them, you are a certain person. and so that's where their advice is coming from. And I started noticing there are all these amazing people, so many. And they all have different meaning advice. And so it was like, it broke me because I was like, I can't please. All of these people because, cause I don't, I can't, I just can't like, I know they're well, meaning. And so therefore I feel this obligation to them fulfill this advice on my end, but I couldn't. and so it became more and more important to ask myself, what do I want though? what do I want to do? And does any of this advice actually speak to that? and most of it did not, and I'm still growing but like listening to myself is, an ever strengthening practice. that's really important, to listen. Cause we, we don't often do that.
[01:27:20]Gabe Ratliff: [01:27:20] it's so easy to get that pull, what influencers are doing or celebrities or. Just people that you look up to, or your friends, That are giving you these thoughts or advice, guidance, feedback, what have you, it's not allowing you to walk your own path, Being okay. With the drawing of your own life, I know I've done that where people I still look up to, like with podcasting and things, . It was experimenting with their formula. And then I got to this point and I wanted to get at the core of my whole thing with this show. And that's when I got clear about artful. I want it to be about you and I want it to be about us having this conversation, like your coffee chats, right? which is, I was like, we gotta have our coffee chat now. Um, but it's we get to have this chat. And good. We get to talk about these things that matter. Um, about our art, about how we grew up about like this, how we feel about things the nuggets are in here, but you have to listen, you're getting to hear this conversation between people. I want to mention this last little thing, at least for this point, but the very first lesson that we did was with Mario Casada. For this camp
[01:28:36] Tameca: [01:28:36] Yeah.
[01:28:37] Gabe Ratliff: [01:28:37] and the quote that he shared, I had to share this because this has stuck with me and it's so easy to remember, and it is absolute gold heartful, head empty. And he was using this in the context of when you go into client meetings, Or when you go into interviews like this, go in heartful and head empty, it's about coming in, so present that I can learn more from you and just listen. what do you have to say? And you can do the same for me, but then when we leave, our heart is empty and our head is full. And that was the thing I thought was so beautiful about what happens in that kind of exchange is that you come in heartful, you give your heart to that other person, but then you've learned so much. So you've got all this information you've taken from listening to them, you and I was just like, man, that's awesome. So I wanted to share that cause I feel like this is exactly that kind of an example of living that,
[01:29:39] Tameca: [01:29:39] I love that so much. I feel like that is like my most natural state that state of walking into space and having the opportunity to like, Be flexible and experiment and improvise. whether it be jazz or, or whatever it is teaching is definitely like that. I used to try to go through and with bullet pointed thing we're going to do during the day, but it never really worked that way. So I just gave up after a while, I have a loose book now and, the class, what we're going to learn that day too certain extent. and that's just It feels so much better to be that way than to be like, Nope, this is the structure that's outside of the, that is outside of this particular bullet point, my friend. So we're not going to talk about that,
[01:30:30]Gabe Ratliff: [01:30:30] okay. last question. Where can people find you online? If they want to connect
[01:30:33] Tameca: [01:30:33] siren needs. Poetry is really easy to find. That's my social media handle. , I'm on Twitter and Instagram. And I have been the website is just Tameca coleman.com. the easiest is Twitter and Instagram at siren eats poetry.
[01:30:49] Gabe Ratliff: [01:30:49] Love it. Tameca. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for coming on the show and thank you for this lovely conversation. Thank you for what you're bringing to the world . Thank you.
[01:31:00] Tameca: [01:31:00] Thank you very much. Thank you. This is the definitely been a pleasure and a joy.
[01:31:04]Gabe Ratliff: [01:31:04] Well, that's it for this episode, whether this is your first time listening or you're already a fan. Thanks for being here. I hope you enjoyed the show. Our links and show notes for this episode can be found at the artful.co/podcast. If you haven't yet. Please subscribe to the show and leave a rating and review on iTunes, Spotify, wherever you listen to podcasts, if you like what you hear and want to be a guest or know someone that's a good fit. Go to the artful.co/guest. And if you want to leave me a note about an idea or topic for the show, go to the artful.co/speakpipe. Thanks again for listening until next time. Keep being artful.
