Why You’re Miserable (Part2)
A few weeks ago I shared why we’re miserable and what I’ve been learning about Positive Intelligence, our Master Judge, and his nine Saboteur buddies. I shared a link to an assessment so you can learn more about your saboteurs and which ones show up the most in your life. Since then, I’ve been learning about the five different Sage Powers that we have inside us, which are Empathize, Explore, Innovate, Navigate, and Activate (this is your Jedi Mind Training, laser-focused and confident).
THE SAGE PERSPECTIVE
The Sage lives in the region of our brain associated with positive emotions, peace and calm, clear-head focus, creativity, and big-picture thinking. From our sage perspective, every outcome or circumstance can be turned into a gift or an opportunity, rather than the saboteur perspective that comes from a place of judgment.
HOW IT WORKS
To quickly explain how this applies to our brain, we have two pathways or forks in the road. An event happens and goes along the Dendrites and Cell Body through the Axon (Information Flow) until it hits our Synapses. Then it can go one of two ways, to the Saboteur side or the Sage side of our brain. Ever since we were young, our Master Judge and his Saboteurs have been working like a bodybuilder or a superhero pretending to keep us safe and protected. As we are bullied, dominated, reprimanded, belittled, and ridiculed over the years, the Judge and his Saboteurs keep getting stronger, making that pathway a well-oiled machine.
GOOD VS BAD
Let’s take it a step further. When presented with an event in life we can go one of two ways. We can accept the Saboteur’s perspective and think that it’s BAD, or we can access our Sage’s perspective and think of it as a gift. It might not seem like it at the time, but what you think is bad at the moment ends up being a pathway to a new and most times better possibility that you weren’t able to see yet. What’s interesting and worth noting is that whichever perspective you believe becomes true. If you believe something or someone is bad, then it or they will be. If you believe something or someone is good, then it or they will be.
GIFT TECHNIQUES
Relative to our Sage Perspective three gift techniques can be used: Knowledge, Power, and Inspiration. In the gift of Knowledge, you can ask the question, “What knowledge would I need to gain so that the payoff in the future could be much larger than what this is costing me now?” In the gift of Power, you can see the problem like a “weight” in a gym that you work like a muscle so it grows. You can ask the question, “Which Sage Power must grow to handle this problem or event?” And then, “What’s the gift of that power growing?” In the gift of Inspiration, commit to an inspiring action that you wouldn’t have if this “bad” thing hadn’t happened. That action becomes the gift.
10% RULE
A Sage Power that I’ve been working on and has made an impact on me is Innovate. One of the most powerful things I’ve learned this week is about the 10% Rule. With mid-term elections happening this week, the 10% Rule’s relevance and importance struck me in this time of divisiveness and polarization. It’s simple but has massive implications when applied to every conversation and interaction we have with others. When used it creates the space for possibility, opportunity, and as you would imagine, innovation, which we need in many areas of business, government, and society at large.
The 10% Rule states that the other person is at least 10% right.
Our Saboteur focuses on what is wrong. It shuts down our ability to innovate and explore possibilities.
Our Sage focuses on what is right and fuels our ability to innovate and adapt (and sometimes compromise).
The way to practice accessing your Sage is to use this simple method, “Yes…and…” (which is very common in improv and widely used by my friends Bruce & Gail Montgomery, owners of ExperienceYes, in their work.)
YES, AND…
Here’s how it works:
“Yes,…”
When in discussion with a person or group of people, whether it be in a personal or professional context, you focus on the 10% that is right about their idea. That is the “Yes” part. For example, “What I like about that idea is…” (then focus on the 10% you like).
“And…”
Then, add another idea that’s triggered by what you liked. This allows you to take their idea and refine it with what might be a better or more optimal approach or solution without completely judging, denying, or shooting their idea down.
WHAT IF…?
What if our business meetings were focused on improving upon each other's ideas instead of throwing people under the bus, or judging and dismissing each other’s ideas?
What if our political debates were like this and we took each other’s ideas and made them better for all because we understood that we are all 10% right about our ideas?
What if we did this with our significant others rather than building resentment for the things they believe that might not be just like the things we believe?
If we continually practiced accessing our Sage Perspective, and expanded on and adapted each other’s ideas rather than focusing on what’s wrong, we’d be able to find peace, joy, and fulfillment in business, government, and our relationships. It’s not an easy ask, but wouldn’t it be nice?
My invitation to you is to practice the 10% rule for the next week. Practice using “Yes, and…” in your conversations. Be playfully curious about what others are thinking and feeling. Get inquisitive about their ideas, even if your Judge tries to show up. Accept that we are all 10% right and can get to a better solution, a better society, and a better tomorrow together. Track what you learn from this little exercise. Then, maybe try another week and another. Let’s practice together. We can start here. What did you like about this idea?
